"Son, I found a condom in your room"

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa?"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Read More

Me: Squirting isn't real, right? It's just urine, right?

Interviewer: I meant any questions about the job.

Read More

Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium

Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, "That's very noble of you"

Read More

Little Billy at it again (NSFW)

Little Billy wakes up early on Saturday morning to go play with his new dog... After looking for a while he finds the dog flat on his back, legs in the air!

Confused he runs and gets his father. His father realising that the dog has passed on thinks for a while on how he is going to break it to Little Billy.

Finally the dad says "Son, unfortunately the dog has passed away and it is laying on it's back with it's legs in the air so that GOD can reach him easier and take him to the Kingdom"

With that, Little Billy starts breaking down hard... After a while of sobbing Little Billy says to his father that if that is the case, then we nearly lost mummy yesterday...

The father confused, asks Little Billy what he means by that.

Little Billy then proceeds to explain how yesterday school was a half day and when he came home from school early he went looking for mummy. He found her in the bedroom, laying flat on her back with her legs in the air yelling "GOD! I'M COMING, I'M COMING..." - If it wasn't for the Postman being on top of her, we would have lost her for sure...

:o :0

Read More

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,

so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

Read More

Coffee is the silent victim in our house...

It gets mugged every day.

Read More

I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokèStops...

a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke

Read More