I told the wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

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The Bottle of Wine

Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the old man got into the car. Resuming the journey, Mike tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mike.

"What in bag?" asked the old man.

Mike looked down at the brown bag and said, "Oh, it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said, "Good trade!”

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Crazy man has sex with machine at laundromat and evades police

Nut screws washer and bolts

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What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished

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Why do Lannisters have such big beds? GoT

because they push twins together to make a king.

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Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss. "What do you think we should do?" she asks. Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

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The father walks into the church and sees 4 sisters...

He asks what they are waiting for and they say they are there to confess their sins. The father tells them to come one by one, so the first one approaches and says:

"Father, forgive me for my sin. I touched a male's genitals using my left hand."

So the father thinks and says:

"Go there and wash your left hand with the holy water."

And the sister goes and washes her left hand with the holy water.

The second one approaches and says:

"Father, forgive me for my sin. I touched a male's genitals using my left hand and I rubbed it a little bit."

So the father thinks and says:

"Go there and wash your hand with the holy water. Don't forget to rub your hand in the water too."

And the sister goes and washes and rubs her left hand with the holy water.

Then, he realizes that the 3rd and 4th sisters are arguing. Father asks what is going on.

The third one tells the father that the fourth sister is trying to take her spot.

The fourth one desperately goes:

"Father, I just wanted to gargle before she washes her ass."

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