A guy walks into a bar and sits down.

Bartender asks: "What can I get you?"

Guy says: "Jack and coke"

Bartender nods, goes under the bar, gets up, and puts an apple on the bar. The guy says, "I ordered a Jack and coke, what the hell is this." Bartender says "Just try it." The guy takes a bite and says to the bartender: "Holy shit this tastes just like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says "Turn it around." Guy turns the apple around, takes another bite and says "Holy shit this tastes just like coke!"

Another guy comes into the bar, sits near the first guy.

Bartender asks: "What can I get you?"

Guy says: "Vodka tonic."

Bartender nods, goes under the bar, pulls out an apple, and places it on the bar. The guy says "What the hell is this?" Bartender says, "Just try it." The guys does and exclaims "This tastes just like tonic!" The bartender says "Turn it around." The guy does and says "Wow! This tastes like vodka!"

A third guy walks into the bar and sits down. The other two guys say: "This bartender has magic apples that taste like whatever you want! Seriously order ANYTHING and he'll give you an apple that tastes like it!"

The guy says to the bartender: "Okay then, I want an apple that tastes like pussy."

The bartender nods, goes under the bar, takes out an apple, and places an apple on the bar. The guy picks it up, takes a bite and immediately spits it out.

The guys says: "This is disgusting! This tastes like ass!!"

The bartender says: "Turn it around."

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A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

points out the window

"Yer see that wall over there? I built that wall with my bare hands, found the finest stones and laid them with care, but do they call me McGregor the wall builder? No."

points out other window

"Yer see that lighthouse there? I painted and built that lighthouse, used the finest paint in the village, and found the finest whale blubber to burn in the lamp, but do you think they call me McGregor the lighthouse builder? No."

looks at the wide-eyed backpacker

"But yer fuck one goat..."

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A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts... "I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds "85 years old"

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Guy gets on a city bus...

and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great sex! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have sex with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!

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Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop...

A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver - "will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The bus driver shakes his head, "no, I'm sorry, it won't" he says. The other blonde leans inside and asks, "how about me?"

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Bill Clinton likes to go for a walk every Saturday evening...

One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him, "Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!"

He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking.

This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the prostitute, she would offer him her services for fifty dollars, and he would decline and say he'd only pay five. One evening, however, Hillary asked if she could come along on the walk with him, and Bill reluctantly agreed, nervous about what Hillary would say if the prostitute yelled at him again. They went on the walk, and when they passed the alley, to Bill's surprise, the prostiture was silent, and they continued on their walk. As they were about to round the corner, however, they heard the prostitute's voice from behind them,

"So that's what five dollars gets you, huh?"

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I have a really good joke about pussy

... but redditors don't get it.

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