What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine

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Why do they evacuate women and children first?

You can't fix shit with all that screaming and crying.

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What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool?

Marco Polio

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Photos: Farmers in Mexico are giving firefly tours to preserve their forests

Photos: Farmers in Mexico are giving firefly tours to preserve their forests
After an agricultural price bust more than 15 years ago, the families of Nanacamilpa, Mexico tried to start a campground business, but struggled to draw customers. They've since turned to a new attraction: firefly tours.

July 31, 2016 at 11:24PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2ad9iSN

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I cried when my dad cut onions...

I miss onions. He was a good dog.

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A police officer pulls over a driver...

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

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The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...

...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.

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