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Thứ Ba, 2 tháng 8, 2016

A drunken man walks into a biker bar

He sits down at the bar and orders a drink, looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table, he gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks at the biggest,meanest one in the face and says " i went by your grandma's house today, saw her in the hallway butt naked, man, she is a fine looking woman" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word, his buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat, the drunk leans over to the table again and says "i got it on with your grandma, she is good, the best i ever had" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing The drunk leans over to the table one more time and says " i'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it" at this point the biker stands up takes the drunk by the shoulders and says " grandpa, go home, your drunk"

Thanks for your time

Bill and Hillary

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”

Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”

Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I’m disappointed and saddened by your behavior; however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”

He answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center.”

They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie...

It still hasn't cured my alcoholism.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 6mths,

I don't like to interrupt her.

Why do we hit things when they don't work?

Because it worked with slavery

What's the worst part of locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic?

Going in to ask for a coat hanger!

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."