That concludes our tour of the toilets
Thứ Sáu, 5 tháng 8, 2016
I was in the pub last night when the barman asked me, "How come I never see you in here with Pete any more?"
I asked him, "Would you drink with a bloke who's a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, always tries to squirm out of his round, jealous of everything you have, and when your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?" "Bloody hell! No!" he said, somewhat flabbergasted. "Well, neither would Pete,"
A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"
The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".
The guy says whispering "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are working on a sky scraper
The Englishman opens his sandwich box and exclaims "Bloody hell, ham and cheese again! I swear, if I have ham and cheese again tomorrow, i'm going to throw myself off this building!" The Scotsman then proceeds to open his sandwich box and exclaims "Aye, I've got fucking chicken mayo again, if I have this tomorrow i'll throw myself off this building as well!" The Irishman opens his lunch and says "I've got bacon again! If I have bacon again tomorrow, i'll join you in jumping off this building!"
So the next day the three men open their sandwich boxes and all have the same filling as the day before, so they all proceed to jump off of the sky scraper. A few days later at the funerals of the three men, their wives stood weeping. "If I would have known Pete didn't want ham and cheese then I would have mixed it up!" Said the English mans wife. The Scotsman's wife nodded "Yes, If i knew Stephen didn't want chicken mayo then I would have made something different." The Irishman's wife was crying harder than all and simply said "I just don't understand... Paddy made his own fucking sandwiches"
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink...
...when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!" "But, hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"
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