Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more
Thứ Hai, 8 tháng 8, 2016
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead
all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
Chủ Nhật, 7 tháng 8, 2016
Severance Packages
The department of defense, in an effort to cut some costs decides to offer severance packages to some superfluous higher ranking officers. The offer is an honorable discharge and $1,000 for every inch between two points of their body of their choosing.
A Navy admiral takes this opportunity and heads into the medical office to have his two locations measured. He picks the tip of his big toe and the top of his forehead. The doctor measures 77 inches and off he goes to enjoy civilian life.
Next up is an Air Force general. He plans ahead a little better and raises his arm all the way up and stands of his toes and the doctor measures 99 inches. Out the door he goes nearly $100,000 richer and a civilian.
The last one to take the buy out is an Army General. The doctor asks him which two points he'd like measured and he replies;
"The tip of my penis to the base of my left testicle."
The doctor is a little taken aback at this and reminds the man that no matter how well hung he is, he's probably short changing himself. The general assures the doctor that he knows what he's doing and would like to proceed.
"Ok, suit yourself sir. Drop your pants.", says the doctor who kneels down with his measuring tape.
"Wait a minute! Where the hell is your left testicle?!", exclaims the shocked doctor.
"Heh, Vietnam."
A musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks "Why the long face?"
"I play flute in a travelling orchestra" he said. "Last month, we played for the Ottoman sultan. He liked our performance and ordered to fill our instruments with sapphires. The cello got 1000 sapphires in, the drum got 2000 sapphires in, this piece of trash didn't get even one in.
Last week, we played for the German kaiser, and he also liked our performance and ordered to fill our instruments with gold. Cello got 2000 coins in, drum got 4000 coins in, this piece of trash didn't get even one in.
Yesterday, we played for the Russian czar, he said we are playing out of tune and ordered to shove our instruments up our asses. The drum didn't get in, the cello didn't get in, this piece of trash went in all the way to B flat!"
An anti-semite goes to a bar
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it. "Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!" Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch. The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin. The Jew smiles back. The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression. "Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!" He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew." The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again. Furious, the anti-semite says, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?" "Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop....
....with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus. so shut the fuck up."
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