I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don't worry, I am a professional. I've seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I'll check it out."
I said, “My wife thinks that my dick tastes funny”.
Thứ Ba, 9 tháng 8, 2016
Walmart is buying Jet.com for $3 billion and will announce the deal on Monday
Walmart is buying Jet.com for $3 billion and will announce the deal on Monday
Walmart, the world’s largest retailer, is set to acquire two-year-old online retailer Jet.com in what appears to be the largest-ever acquisition of an e-commerce company, according to multiple sources familiar with the transaction.
August 8, 2016 at 10:39AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2bcWCgo
The Irish Prostitue
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'
The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'
'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'
'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'
'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.
Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'
'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!
Two men and a woman are stranded on an island
Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash. Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:
"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to the first guy, "and the other day it's the other".
And so they have a whale of time taking turns, enjoying their business together for one whole month. However, unfortunately, the woman dies after that month, because of a rotten banana or whatever. The two men mourn the loss of their playmate and partner for the following week. Then, one man goes to the other and says:
"Okay man, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you, and the other day it's me."
And so they have a good time taking turns, enjoying their business together for one whole month. The first man then goes to the other and says:
"Okay man, I need to talk to you.
- Yeah, me too actually.
- We had a fun month, but I think we should stop.
- Yeah, I felt this way too. I feel what we're doing is not natural.
- That's right. Let's stop."
So they nod their head in common understanding. The second man then says:
"Well then, shall we bury her?"
A man was driving along the highway...
... and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry.
A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.
Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Fifty yards away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 yards, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 yards.
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!!
He ran over to the woman and asked, "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave!!..
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