One has a cunning array of stunts.
Thứ Năm, 11 tháng 8, 2016
A man named Jimmy walks into a bar
He sits down at the bar and notices a couple lines of people standing at the other side of the bar.
Jimmy asks the bartender "what are those people standing over there for?"
The bartender replies, "oh, the owner has a nice system setup for people who can't pay their tabs. He really enjoys causing others pain, so if you stand in the first line you can get kicked by the owner and he lets you go free. In the second, the owner gets to twist your nipples as hard as he wants, but again, you get to go for free."
Jimmy responds "Wow, what an interesting system. You know what would make it a lot better?"
"What's that?" Asks the bartender
"If there was a punchline"
Three blondes are walking through the woods
shortly into their walk, they find tracks on the ground.
"Look at the size of these rabbit tracks!" Said the first blonde.
"You moron, those are raccoon tracks." Said the second blonde.
"You two are so stupid, these are obviously coyote tracks!" Said the third blonde.
Two minutes later, they were all run over by a train.
Three girls die and go to heaven...
They are greeted by st. Peter at the pearly gates. He welcomes them and then says "But be careful, there are lots of ducks in heaven. If you step on any you will be punished". The girls go in and the first one steps on a duck right away and the ugliest man in existence gets chained to her for eternity. The second girl steps on a duck after about a week and the second ugliest man is chained to her for eternity. The third girl, however, never steps on a duck and the most beautiful man she had ever seen was chained to her. "What did I do to deserve such a nice thing?" she asks God. God looks at her and says, "He stepped on a duck."
A teacher sent out an announcement that her class will have a day off tomorrow.
One of her students comes home to tell his grandfather. I don't have to go to school tomorrow, can you take me to the park? He agrees.
He immediately calls his secretary at work. Something came up so probably we can't meet up at the hotel tomorrow, let's do it some other time? She agrees.
The secretary texts her husband. Hey honey, I don't have to go to that conference out of state anymore. Wanna stay in and do something tomorrow? He agrees.
Her husband then gives the teacher a voicemail: Man, my bitch ass wife is staying home tomorrow. Don't come over!
Disappointed, the teacher retracts her announcement and requires her students to come to class again tomorrow.
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