one is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Thứ Sáu, 19 tháng 8, 2016
Thứ Năm, 18 tháng 8, 2016
Little Jonny was 5 years old and born blind
Little Jonny was 5 years old and born blind. One evening as his mother puts him to bed she says to him, "Jonny, tomorrow is a very special day: if you pray extra hard tonight God will grant you the miracle of sight". Super excited, Jonny jumps back out of bed, clasps his hands together and begin to pray, as his mum leaves the room. Just as she is about to close the door Jonny asks, "mum, will God really give me my sight?". "Yes Jonny, but only if you pray extra hard". An hour or so later, the mum pops her head around the door and sees Jonny still praying, "Oh God. Please let me see. I want to see my mummy for the very first time. I am sure that she's the prettiest mummy in the whole wide world." A few more hours later the mother goes into Jonny's room and sees him slumped over the bed, hands still clasped together. She puts him to bed.
The following day the mother gets up early and rushes to her sons room where he's still sleeping. She covers his eyes with her hands and gently wakes him. Super excited Jonny says to his mum, "mummy move your hands, I want to see, I want to see".
"Are you ready Jonny?" The mum replies.
""Yes, yes mummy. Move your hands". So the mother removes her hands. Jonny blinks and opens his eyes. "Mummy, mummy, I still can't see. Oh, mummy does God hate me? Mummy I can't see".
Jonny's mum beams a great big smile and says "April fools".
My 4yr old was struggling to open his yoghurt, today.
When he suddenly mumbled, "Fucking shitty lid!". My wife immediately looked at me and said, "I wonder where he's got that from?". I said, "The fucking fridge, you silly cunt."
Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,
you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.
I was watching the news this morning when the presenter said..
"A man has been arrested after half a million indecent images of children were found at his home in Bradford. Our reporter Gary O'Donoghue has more."
Gary, you filthy bastard.
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