But she pulled some strings and got me in.
Chủ Nhật, 21 tháng 8, 2016
Bill Clinton died and went to heaven.
As he stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.
"Oh," said Bill, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where's Hillary's clock?" Bill asked.
"Hillary's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Thứ Bảy, 20 tháng 8, 2016
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."
"Peter, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
A Dad picks his son up from school
Dad: what did you learn at school today, son?
Son: apparently not enough, I have to go back tomorrow.
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