I Just got fired from the orange juice factory.

They said I could not concentrate

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"You spend far too much time on that fucking computer."

Possibly a bit harsh, but as one of Stephen Hawking's closest friends, I felt someone had to tell him.

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My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"

I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."

She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"

I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"

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I was suddenly awoken with a blowjob this morning.

That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"

I know he means well...

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What Donald Trump Knew About Undocumented Workers at His Signature Tower

What Donald Trump Knew About Undocumented Workers at His Signature Tower
Donald Trump has long denied knowingly employing illegal workers that helped to demolish the building that would be replaced by Trump Tower, but recently revealed documents show that he knowingly sought out the workers and paid them illegal wages.

August 25, 2016 at 11:37PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2biuiZ5

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I was viewing a house being sold by a native american

i asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'no, get your own wife'

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