I’ve just been fired from my job at the clock-making factory…

...must have been all those extra hours I've been putting in.

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Interviewer: What's your greatest strength?

Interviewer: What's your greatest strength?

Potential employee: Shape shifting.

Interviewer: Really?

Interviewer: Yes.

Interviewer: Shit.

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My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...

...so I got drunk.

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A girl comes back home after many years to see her father before he dies...

She goes to his bedside and starts crying, "Dad, I'm sorry!"

He looks at her, smiles weakly, and says, "Goodbye, Sorry." He grins. "I'm dead."

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The CEO of Budweiser, Miller and Carlsberg walks into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser walks up to the bar and orders a Budweiser, after which the CEO of Miller orders a Miller. Then the CEO of Carlsberg says to the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water." The others looks baffled and asks him: "Why didn't you order a Carlsberg?". He replies: "Well, since you're not having beer..."

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Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

Me: Yes I could

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George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

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