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Thứ Năm, 1 tháng 9, 2016

A housewife takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work.

Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "£250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

Three fathers are talking about their sons.

The first father says, "my sons a successful doctor. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini".

The second father said, "my sons a successful hedge fund manager. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a yacht".

The third father says, "my sons the CEO of a big company. He's so rich he just bought his best friend a castle".

Right then, a fourth father walks in and asks what they're talking about. The other three fathers say, "we're talking about our successful sons, what does yours do?" The fourth father says, "well my sons a gay stripper." The other three fathers say, "oh wow, you must be really disappointed."

The fourth father replies with, "well not really, he's doing really well. His three boyfriends just bought him a Lamborghini, a yacht, and a castle."

Introducing my girlfriend to the family

Me: This is my girlfriend Jane

Jane: Hi

Wife: What the fuck

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"

Me: "I dunno, what?"

Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

What's cooler than being cool?

Being 0K.

The Billion-Dollar Ultimatum


The Billion-Dollar Ultimatum
International corporations that want to intimidate countries have access to a private legal system designed just for them. And to unlock its power, sometimes all it takes is a threat.

August 31, 2016 at 08:37PM
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