He was too far out.
Thứ Bảy, 3 tháng 9, 2016
A man was having some stomach pains, so he went to see his doctor..
The doctor looked him over and declared, "Sir, you have a tapeworm. Please come back in three days, and bring...a BANANA."
The man is confused, but he trusts the doctor so he returns in three days with a banana. The doctor tells the man to take off his pants and bend over, whereupon the doctor...introduces the banana into the man's system. The man is shocked.
The doctor says, "Excellent job. Now please come back in three days with another banana."
The man trusts his doctor, so in three days he returns with another banana.
The doctor again asks the man to remove his pants and again he introduces the banana...into the man's system. The man is extremely confused, but his stomach pains aren't as bad anymore so he will continue to follow his doctors orders.
The doctor says, "Great job. Now please come back in three days with..a HAMMER."
The man returns with a hammer three days later. He is extremely confused, but upon seeing the doctor he receives his instructions.
"Please take off your pants and lie on your side on the examination table," says the doctor.
The man lays there for a few minutes with his rear end bare. The doctor breathlessly grips the hammer and waits. The tapeworm pops out of the man's butthole, looks at the doctor and says, "Hey where the fuck is my banana?"
BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM
Thứ Sáu, 2 tháng 9, 2016
A little boy goes to his dad and asks:
'Dad, what's Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see s his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ' The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.' The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'
While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Trump asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate. " Trump watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !" "Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Trump ?" Trump nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Trump, upon returning to US, decides he'd better put Mike Pence to the test. Trump summons him and says, "Mike, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, Sir!. What's on your mind?" Trump poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Mr. Pence was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Trump agrees, and Pence leaves. Pence immediately calls a meeting of all staff, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Pence calls Ted Cruz and explains the problem. "Mr. Cruz, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Cruz answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Pence rushes back to Donald Trump, and exclaims, "I know the answer,Sir! I know who it is!
It's our Ted Cruz!" And Trump replies in disgust,
"Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!"
It's funny how we all sleep differently.
I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody... that sorta thing.
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