I said "Son, That's three schools this year...maybe teaching is not for you"
Thứ Tư, 7 tháng 9, 2016
A guy is walking by a gym, when he notices a sign out front that reads "Lose 5 Pounds in 10 Minutes Guaranteed!"
Curious, he enters the gym. He asks about the sign and the clerk tells him it's legit, but it costs $100. The clerk also tells him that if he doesn't lose 5 pounds, he gets his money back.
The guy shrugs and lays $100 on the counter. He is led to a large, empty room covered in floor mats. A beautiful 20-year-old woman enters the room on the other side, wearing a shirt that says "If you catch me, you can fuck me." She smiles, waves, and winks at him.
He begins chasing her around the large room, but she is in great shape and he doesn't come close. After ten minutes, he is a panting, sweating mess, and she yells "Better luck next time!" before disappearing out the door. Pissed off, he walks over to a scale and sees that, sure enough, he lost five pounds. He figures the money was worth it, since he lost five pounds.
The next day, he's walking by the gym when he notices a new sign: "Lose 10 pounds in 10 Minutes Guaranteed!" Even more curious, he enters the gym and plops down another $100 on the counter.
He is led to an even larger, empty room covered in mats. The door on the other side of the room opens, and a large, athletic man walks in. His shirt reads "If I catch you, I fuck you!"
Exclusive: How Elizabeth Holmes’s House of Cards Came Tumbling Down
Exclusive: How Elizabeth Holmes’s House of Cards Came Tumbling Down
Holmes built Theranos based on secrecy in the hope that she could still pull it off. Then, it all fell apart.
September 6, 2016 at 06:33PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2ck5Xob
How many guys in the Friendzone does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They just stand around complimenting it, and then get pissed when another guy screws it.
Thứ Ba, 6 tháng 9, 2016
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman...
He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No." he replies "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies, "It must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
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