Carving a boob into a tree would be pretty cool,

Wooden tit?

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I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand

It's seven

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What's the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist

art

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If someone says "Someone in this room has a bomb," I can't rule myself out as a suspect.

• Sent from my Samsung Galaxy Note7

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Fun idea:

Not got kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.

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A guy walks into a pub...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I sure am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

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Seeing is Believing .

My father and I belong to the religion of Sikhism. We both wear the traditional turban and often encounter strange comments and questions. Once, in a restaurant, a child stared with amazement at my father. She finally got the courage to ask, "Are you a genie?"

Her mother, caught off guard, turned red in the face and apologized for the remark. But my dad took no offense and decided to humor the child.

He replied, "Why, yes I am. I can grant you three wishes."

The child’s mother blurted out, "Really?"

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