Poor guy.
Thứ Năm, 15 tháng 9, 2016
"Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?"
"I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?" "Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
A woman wants to test her boyfriend
She thinks he may be unfaithful, so she asks her sister to help her with something.
As the boyfriend pulls up to the house and enters to find a trail of roses leading up to a closed door. He opens the door to find his girlfriends sister, laying on the bed.
"So, do you fancy it? You know you want to", she asks.
The boyfriend spins round immediately and heads back down stairs towards the front door only to find his girlfriend beaming, "I knew you would never do it!" She runs over to hug him.
The moral of the story? Always keep your condoms in your car.
A joke my granddad once told me.
I always loved this one, my granddad told it to me years ago. Still one of my favourites.
An elderly woman wakes one morning and looks out of her bedroom window. Across the road she sees two men from the local council office slowly making their way up the grassy embankment at the side of the road.
The man in front starts to dig a hole in the embankment and after some time moves forward and begins digging another hole. The second man then proceeds to immediately fill in the hole which the first man had only just finished digging. Perplexed by the odd behaviour of the men, the old woman continues to watch them to see if they will do the same with the next hole.
Surely enough, the men from the council continue this pattern for a good 30 minutes before the old woman, agitated with confusion and curiosity; decides it's time to find out what the men are doing.
"Excuse me young man, what on earth is the point of this, what are you doing?" Says the old woman, "The point?" Says the first man, "The point is to improve the appearance of the roads in this area, to give them a more natural look".
"Natural?" Exclaims the woman, "How exactly does this make the road look more natural? All you're doing is digging holes and then filling them in again!", the two men exchange a disheartened glance before the second man yells "Well it normally looks better, but the fella who plants the trees is off today!"
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff.
He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration.
The lawyer asks, "What for?"
The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming."
"You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," says the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle."
The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.
The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
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