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Chủ Nhật, 18 tháng 9, 2016

I spent some quality time with my 5-year old grandson today watching a movie....

Halfway through he asked, "Is that lady going to die?"

"Probably," I replied, "judging by the size of that horse's cock."

A man collapses in a busy street.

Someome from the crowd shouts "Somebody call him an ambulance!"

Suddenly, another voice calls out "You're an ambulance!"

A women is out golfing and finds a frog trapped in the woods...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned ☝her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.

Two paedophiles are waiting at a bus stop when an 8 year old girl walks past...

One says to the other, "I bet she was a looker in her day."

A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling

The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".

I hate Russian dolls.

They're so full of themselves.

How does a coat steal something?

They jacket