you can't do that, bishops can only move diagonally
Thứ Ba, 20 tháng 9, 2016
You will forget.
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies, "To the kitchen."
She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replies, "Sure."
She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He says, "No, I can remember that."
She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
An old man and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying on bed for a few minutes, the old man cut a fart and says, "7 points."
His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The old man says, "Touchdown. I'm ahead 7 to nothing."
A few minutes later, the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
After about ten minutes, the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7.
Now starting to get into this, the wife quickly farts again and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
The old man strains really hard, but to no avail -- he can't fart.
So not to be outdone by his wife, he gives it everything he has and strains real hard to get out just one more fart.
Straining, the old man tries so hard, he poops in the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides!"
A drunken man staggers into a Catholic Church
A drunken man staggers into a Catholic Church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak, and finally the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either!!"
Thứ Hai, 19 tháng 9, 2016
I was walking through the park this morning, when I saw a man, standing on a tree branch, with a rope around his neck...
I asked him what was happening and he screamed, "After I jump, everyone will dearly miss me when they recall that I hung myself!"
I immediately assured him that that would not be the case, even if he jumped, right there, in front of my very eyes, that's not what people will say!!
Tears welling in his eyes, he jumped.
As he was jumping, I said, "After you jump, everyone will dearly miss you when they recall that you hanged yourself!!"
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