Clinton consults the past

Hillary went for a walk one morning and came upon the Washington monument. She asked, "George, what should I do?" After a few seconds a ghostly voice replied, "Abolish the IRS and start over." She thought about this for a few seconds and continued her walk.

Shortly afterwards she stepped up to the Jefferson Memorial and stopped to ask "Tom, what should I do?" After a few seconds Tom's disembodied voice replied, "Abolish welfare and start over."

She thinking about this while continuing on to the Lincoln Memorial, and once again she asked the same question. After a few seconds Abe replied, "Why don't you take the night off and go to the theater?"

Read More

My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.

It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

Read More

I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. So I shot him.

Judge gave me 30 years.

So I mean who's the real winner here?

Read More

I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"

and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on

Read More

A man wants to leave work early

Two men are bullshitting at work, when the one says, "I'm gonna try to get out of work early today, I'll act like I'm crazy." The other man shrugs and tells him to go for it, so he does; he just starts hooping and hollering, banging on all the machinery, and finally climbing up the rafters shouting "Look at me I'm a light bulb! I'm a light bulb!"

The foreman, upon finally seeing the source of the ruckus, tells the man to go home, and that he's crazy. The man goes back to his work station, escorted by the foreman, and starts packing his things while giving his buddy a wink.

The other man starts packing up his things as well, and the foreman asks him what he's doing. The man simply replies, "Well I can't work if there's no lights."

Read More

The US Government Believes Self-Driving Cars Are The Future

The US Government Believes Self-Driving Cars Are The Future
The Obama administration says self-driving cars "will save time, money and lives," and issued policy endorsing the technology on Monday.

September 20, 2016 at 09:05AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2cz5nBv

Read More

A Chinese guy walks into a bar with a black bar tender

The chinese guy sits down and says "hey niger get me a jigger." The bar tender pissed says "How about you stand behind the bar and i'll walk in and see how you feel." The chinese guy agrees. So the black guy walks outside then back in and says "Hey chink i'll have a drink." The chinese guy replied "Sorry we don't serve black people here."

Read More