My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt."

Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.

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I have the body of a 25 year supermodel...

but it takes too much space in my freezer.

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I like my coffee like I like my women

Without someone else's dick in it SHARON YOU FUCKING WHORE

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Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again

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Why does Donald Trump secretly not want to win the election?

Because if he wins he will have to live in a smaller house in a black neighborhood

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"

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A farmer buys a new young cock

A farmer buys a new young cock. As soon as he gets it home, the cock rushes and fucks all 150 hens.

The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock screws all 150 hens again. Now, the farmer starts getting worried. The next day, he finds the cock fucking the ducks, the geese, and the lone parrot too.

That evening the farmer finds the cock lying out in the field, pale, half-dead, with vultures circling his head.

The farmer shouts, "you deserve that you horny bastard!"

The cock opens one eye slowly, points up, and replies "shhhh...don't shout, wait for them to land."

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