But we know what it can do to skyscrapers.
Thứ Hai, 26 tháng 9, 2016
At the gym
I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
Chủ Nhật, 25 tháng 9, 2016
Wife had a dream she was at a Dick auction.
She told her husband about, "The big ones were going for $100 and the small ones were $1."
"How much did mine go for?" He askes. "There were no bidders." She replied.
The next morning the husband tells his wife "I had a crazy dream I was at a pussy auction, the tight ones were going for $100 and the loose ones were a dollar."
"How much did mine go for?" she asked.
"That's where we had the auction!"
20 Things to do Before You Die...
1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!" 2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.' 3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away. 4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now. 5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly. 6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it. 7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream. 8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it. 9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go." 10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato. 11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King. 12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO! 13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment. 14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple. 15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's. 16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by. 17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again". 18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away. 19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!! 20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"
A guy with a gun walks into a bar..
"Which one of you fuckers slept with my wife?!"
A voice from the back shouted "I don't think you have enough bullets, mate"
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