A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed.....

.........when the wife looks over at him and asks a bold question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (makes audible groan). WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we...

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How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes....

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Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought..

A wife had just made her husband a nice breakfast as she was in need of a few things and her husband was just a complete A** Hole. So, the husband is reading the paper, and the wife says, "Honey, you know that new washing machine we just bought, well something is wrong with it, it won't go into the spin cycle and I was hoping you could take a look at it and see if you could fix it." Husband lowers the news paper and says, "What do I look like, the Maytag repair man, you call up the place where we bought that washer and you have somebody come out...

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A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs...

She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair" The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair" Her sister smiled and said: "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."...

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The terrorist inside my husband's brain

The terrorist inside my husband's brain Robin Williams' wife Susan writes about the little-known neurologic disease that afflicted the actor in the years before his suicide. September 30, 2016 at 10:30PM via Digg http://ift.tt/2dj4p...

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A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover...

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Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter....

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