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Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 10, 2016

Life is like a box of chocolates...

It doesn't last as long for fat people.

A guy looking for a fight...

A guy looking for a fight walks into a biker bar and shouts, "Donald Trump is an asshole."

The biggest guys in the bar gets in his face and warns him, "You better watch what you say around here."

"Why? Are you a Trump supporter?"

"No, I'm an asshole."

The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool.

I was so startled, I almost fell in.

Devil in the Church

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

How did Barack propose to Michelle?

He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."

This woman, who has never shaved her armpits, is sitting in a bar...

This woman is sitting in a bar, wearing some sort of tube top. She has never shaved her armpits in her entire life, so, as a result, she has a thick black bush under each arm. Every twenty minutes, she raises her arm up and flags the bartender for another drink.

This goes on all night. The other people in the bar see her hairy armpits every time she raises her arm. Near the end of the evening, this drunk at the end of the bar says to the bartender, “Hey, I’d like to buy the ballerina a drink.”

The bartender replies, “She’s not a ballerina. What makes you think she’s a ballerina?” The drunk says, “Any girl who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina!”