They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
Thứ Tư, 5 tháng 10, 2016
I was watching porn with my girlfriend and she complained, "This is so unrealistic."
I said, "Just because you're unwilling to try new things, doesn't mean everyone's that frigid."
"No it's not that," she exclaimed, "It's just the plumbers that come to our house have really small dicks."
My wife hates me for having sex with her sister
I got home the other day from work and my wife says "you fucking son of a bitch" and asked what I had done.
Wife: You had sex with my sister you asshole!
Me: Look honey I got into my office in work and there she was lying naked on the table, what should I have done?
Wife: The autopsy
Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 10, 2016
Donald Trump and Barrak Obama end up in the same barbershop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?"
Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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