My penis used to be in the Guinness Book of World Records

until the librarian told me to take it out.

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If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height?

From my head, tomatoes.

Hope no one has heard this before, thought of it while driving.

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Is Your Local Chairlift a Death Trap?

Is Your Local Chairlift a Death Trap?
Our nation's lifts are at the breaking point. We spent months researching past accidents and aging infrastructure — and found that it's time to act in order to avoid catastrophic failure.

October 6, 2016 at 03:40AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2duskbp

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Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

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I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come...

Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

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With all this media coverage about the clowns...

I'll be so glad when the election is over.

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You can say what you want about pedophiles

...but at least they drive slowly around schools and playgrounds.

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