A passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask a question...

A passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask a question...

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, missed a biker, scraped a fire hydrant, and stopped just 3 centimetres from a department store shop window.

For a full 3 seconds everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver slowly turned around and said, "Look, don't ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a taxi driver. I've been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years."

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Politicians are like sperm..

one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.

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Superman is flying around the city, horny as hell...

He suddenly sees Wonder Woman spread eagle, naked on top of the building. Superman thinks, "This is my chance!" He swoops down, faster than a speeding bullet bangs her and is gone in the blink of an eye. Wonder Woman sits up and says,"What the hell was that!?" The Invisible Man rolls off her and says, "I have no idea but it hurt like hell!"

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My wife is turning 32 soon...

I told her not to get her hopes up.

"After all," I said, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."

When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette...

...are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks 'I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.'

The blonde thinks 'I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and she slapped the beast.'

The Frenchman thinks 'I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.'

The Englishman thinks 'I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.'

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What do you call cows with no sense of humor?

Feminists

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A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening...

She runs to her mum and says:

"Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1 ,2 ,3 ,4 ,5 ,6 ,7 ,8 ,9 ,10! I'm smart aren't I?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.

"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! I'm smart aren't I?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.

"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"No darling, it's because you're 25."

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