could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone..
Thứ Bảy, 8 tháng 10, 2016
40 years ago today I married my wife
My whole side of the wedding flew over to her home town of Moscow. It was a beautiful ceremony, however i did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "you may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people where waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "you may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned. As we walked away I asked, "why did they tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having sex.
"What are you doing?" she asked in shock. "Making you someone to play with," I said. "A brother?" she asked excitingly. "No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."
Thứ Sáu, 7 tháng 10, 2016
Donald Trump is like a marshmallow...
He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.
So, I got married once..
To a solid 7/10. She wanted kids right away. Gets her wish, so fast forward 9 months, baby is on the way. I am in the waiting room because I couldn't handle it. I see my child for the first time. Told her she could name the baby anything she wanted and she tells the doctor that her name is 'Love'. Wife isn't a hippy or anything and I'm not a huge fan, but fuck it, I promised her. Fast forward 10 years. Love comes back from school crying. I ask her what's wrong. Says she is being bullied because of her name. I cheer her up with some ice cream. Problem solved and best dad award achieved. Fast Forward 7 more years. Love has turned into a 9/10. She dresses normal. Always wears red nail polish. But she is shy, very shy. She is still mocked constantly because of her not so ordinary name. She comes home from school one day, obviously disturbed. I ask her if it's about her name. She says nothing and just kisses me on the cheek and leaves. First time she has kissed me since she was a baby. Just wasn't her thing. Then, I hear my wife pulling in. She is home early from work. I hear the door open from daughter's room. The door then opens from garage. Loud blast goes off directly behind me. I fall to the ground. Wife looks at me and screams. I look down and see bullet through my chest. Love says something about her name. I look up at my still beautiful wife and I say: Shot through the heart And you're to blame You gave Love ...a bad name
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