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Thứ Sáu, 21 tháng 10, 2016

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male."

They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

Danny cannot make his wife orgasm, so he goes to the doctor for some advice...

He goes to the doctor and says, "Look, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm in bed, it's a real problem."

The doctor says, "Well, is it too warm?"

"Yes, it's absolutely sweltering"

"Then get an air conditioner"

"I can't afford air conditioner doc, I'm too poor"

"Well, Danny, do you have a good friend, I mean a real close friend?"

"Yeah, I've got a close friend, Frank"

"Well, ask your friend Frank to stand over you and your wife with a towel, wafting you both to cool you down, that might help."

So, Danny asks Frank for this favor, who then agrees to help him. That night, Danny is in bed with his wife, pounding away with Frank fanning them with the towel but it's doing nothing for her.

Danny says, "Well this isn't working, let's swap." So Danny takes the towel and starts wafting Frank, who is now making love to Danny's wife. Not long after, Danny's wife goes "Oooh... oh that's it, I'm about to cum, I'm going to cum!"

Danny shouts, triumphantly, "You see, Frank?! That's how you waft a fucking towel!"

A washed up actor hasn't gotten a job in years...

... He has lost his ability to remember lines. But after looking for work for a very long time, finally he gets the lead role in a Broadway musical.

When he arrives at the theater the director tells him, "You have the most important part, but you only have one line. You walk onto stage with a rose; bring it close to your nose with your thumb, index, and middle fingers; and sniff it deeply. Then you will say, 'Oh, the smell of my lover.'"

When it comes time for him to say his line he walks onto stage and says, "Oh, the smell of my lover." With this the crowd begins to laugh hysterically and the director explodes with anger.

The actor runs off stage and asks, "Did I forget my lines?"

The director replies, "No! You forgot the flower."

What is the purpose of war?

"God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain

My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust.

We call her Summer for short.

A guy has a crush on a girl...

The only problem he has is every time he sees her he gets a raging boner. After some great effort he manages to finally sit down near her during a party and strike up a conversation. They hit it off and he asks her to see a movie with him the next day. Fearing he will not be able to control embarrassing himself he decides to strap his penis to his leg. The next day he arrives at her door early and rings the bell. The girl answers the door in her underwear and he kicked her in the face.

I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs

You'll find me in my lab