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Chủ Nhật, 23 tháng 10, 2016

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda. But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :

For I did not speak of my own Accord.

How does a Japanese person distinguish between a German and an extraterrestrial?

He doesn't, they are both Aryans.

So my girlfriend just told me that she needed velocity...

Well, her exact words were "time and distance" but I knew what she meant.

So a man dies and goes to heaven...

When he got there, he approached St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?"

"Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring."

Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?"

"Uh, about 5 minutes ago."

9 months

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?' 'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, ER, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

The most expensive sneakers on the market, and the rise of Hank Scorpio.


The most expensive sneakers on the market, and the rise of Hank Scorpio.
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What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese

Ding Dong