A rough and tough cowboy...

A rough and tough cowboy just finished his drink in an Old Western tavern. He stood up and walked outside, but a few seconds later he barreled back through the door.

With a mean look on his face and anger in his eyes, he said, "I'm gonna sit back down and have me another drink, and if my horse ain't back where I left it by the time I'm done, I'm gonna have to do what I did back in Texas. And I REALLY don't wanna have to do what I done back in Texas!" So he sat back down, finished his second drink, and walked back outside. Sure enough, his horse was tied back up to its post, just where he left it. But right before he left, one of the scared patrons stopped him, and timidly asked,

"Mister...what was it that you had to do back in Texas?"

So the cowboy looked him straight in the eye and said,

"I had to walk home."

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Trump's wife worked illegally during her first weeks in the US, documents show

Trump's wife worked illegally during her first weeks in the US, documents show
Melania Trump, who received a green card in March 2001 and became a US citizen in 2006, has always maintained that she arrived in the country legally and never violated the terms of her immigration status.

November 6, 2016 at 10:24PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2eChIrL

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I always use incognito mode when looking at porn and video game walkthroughs.

I don't want my wife to think I'm a cheater.

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Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.

• When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
• We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?

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My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

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When I was a kid, my family was very poor...

I remember my dad was cutting Onion and our whole family was crying.

Poor Onion.

He was such a good dog...

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Amish boy and his father were in a mall...

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.' While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son . . . 'Go get your Mother'

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