Not a political post, I just love to travel
Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 11, 2016
Two rednecks are at a bar...
...when one says to the other, "You know what? I'm gonna go back and finish my degree!" His friend agrees this is a good idea, and so the next day he goes to his local community college to enroll in some classes. He goes to the office of the registrar and tells the man, "Howdy! I'd like to finish my degree!" The registrar looks up his transcript and informs the man he only needs three classes to receive his diploma: English, history, and logic.
"Ok...I get the English and the history, but what on Earth is logic?" asks the man.
"I'll explain by example! Do you, sir, own a lawnmower?"
"Yessir I do."
"So that would mean you have a lawn, correct?"
"Yessir."
"If you have a lawn, you certainly have a house, no?"
"...yeah..."
"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have a house, with a lawn and a lawnmower, you must have a family with whom you reside?"
"Well I'll be damned!"
"But that's not all! Having a family would mean you have a wife, and thus you, being a male yourself, are heterosexual. Or am I wrong?"
"I can't believe it! You got all that from one stupid question? This class is gonna be great!"
So the man enrolls in the classes and heads home. A few days later he's at the bar with his friend again when he tells him that he's enrolled in some classes: English, history, and logic.
"Logic?" asks his friend. "What on Earth is that?"
"I'll explain with an example, buddy! Do you own a lawnmower?"
"No."
"Well then, you're a faggot!"
Being a good husband
A woman went on vacation, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right.
Her husband said: The cat just died.
She burst into tears and said: How could you be so blunt? Why couldn't you have broken the news gradually! Today, you could have said that it was playing on the roof; tomorrow, you could have said that it fell off and had broken its leg; then on the third day, you could have said that the poor thing had passed away in the night. You could have been more sensitive about the whole thing. By the way, how is my mom?
Husband: She is playing on the roof.
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade...
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said.
'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1876.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'The American People, November 8th, 2016'....
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