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Chủ Nhật, 13 tháng 11, 2016

A jewish father's son Goes to Israel.

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians."

There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd . . . "

Donald Trump is the next President but...

The biggest winner is Melania Trump. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife.

Doctor: "I have some bad news, and some very bad news"

Patient:"Well, might as well give me the bad news first."

Doctor:"The lab called with your results. You have 24 hours to live.

Patient:"24 hours!? That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"

Doctor:"Your phone has been off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday..."

If I got a dollar every time somebody called me a racist

Black people would rob me

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

Generous Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: Hello?

Woman: Honey? Are you at the club?

Man: Yes. Woman: I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it ok if i buy it?

Man: Sure, if you really like it.

Woman: I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2013 models. I saw I really liked. It's only $98,000.

Man: Ok but for that price, make sure it comes with all the options.

Woman: Great, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. Theyr'e asking for $980,000.

Man: Well then go ahead and make an offer of $950,000. They will probably take it. If not, go add the extra $30,000 if you think it's a really good price.

Woman: Thank you, I love you so much! Your'e so generous! See you later.

Man: Your'e worth it, I love you too. Bye.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open. The man turns and asks "Whose phone is this?"

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."