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Thứ Hai, 28 tháng 11, 2016

A pirate is selling his loot at a stand on the docks

A pirate is selling some loot at a stand he has set up on the docks. A man approaches and is interested in hearing about how he lost his limbs.

Man: "How did you lose your leg?"

Pirate: "I was fighting off a shark in the sea. He got me leg, but I got one of his teeth. Now I use this wooden leg to replace me real one."

Man: "Is that how you lost your hand too?"

Pirate: "No, that was lost when I was attacking another boat of pirates. The captain got me hand, but I got his boat. Now I have this hook to replace me real hand."

Man: "Did you lose your eye in that battle as well?"

Pirate: "No, that was lost when a bird pooped in me eye and I tried to wipe it out. Twas the first day I had me hook."

It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs

Because they always take things literally.

An original joke.

Sorry, wrong subreddit.

Why couldn't Snape be a Herbology teacher?

Because he wasn't able to keep the Lilies alive.

A mother was tucking her daughter when the daughter asks her what a Penis is.

Little girl: "Mommy, what's a Penis?

Mom: "Be a good girl and you'll get one when you grow up."

Little girl: But what if I'm a bad girl?"

Mom: "Then you'll get more."

Whoever answers my next question, can go home.

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.

*One boy throws his bag out the window.*

Teacher: Who just threw that?

Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

What do you call children that are born into a Whorehouse?

Brothel Sprouts