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Chủ Nhật, 4 tháng 12, 2016

A father tucks his 3 year old daughter to bed...

He tells her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, 

"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.  The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this,  "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. 

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.  He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said,  "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting.

 

What does a Christmas tree and a monk have in common?

They both have ornamental balls

A toast to wives, girlfriends, and lovers.

May they never meet.

Hey girl, are you the SAT?

Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."

Thứ Bảy, 3 tháng 12, 2016

The furniture store keeps calling me to come back.

But all I wanted was that one night stand.

A woman's asshole is like a 9-volt battery.

You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it.

Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement...

...in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree".