NASA: I'm coming!
Thứ Ba, 6 tháng 12, 2016
An 18 year old Italian girl gets pregnant...
She tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."
"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding
He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
An old man is on his death bed...
An old man is on his death bed, and his family has come in from all over the country to be with him in his final hours.
He opens his eyes, and says "Is Ruthie here? My beautiful, loyal wife?"
"Oh yes, my handsome prince! I'm right here!" Ruthie replies
He continues, "...and what of my strapping boy, who always made me proud? Is he here, with that lovely wife of his?"
"Yeah pops, we're right here"
"...and what about those two grandkids of mine? The Michael and Sarah? Are my little angels here?"
"Of course grampa!"
The old man continues, "So everyone is here in the room with me right now?"
"Yes yes, of course!"
The old man lets out a sigh, and starts shouting, "THEN WHY ARE ALL THE GODDAMN LIGHTS ON IN THE HOUSE?!"
Who is the greatest?
A BOOB, a VAGINA and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all
BOOB: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest
VAGINA: that's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest
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