A married couple with children made a code word for sex..

The code phrase is "Typing a letter".
So on a Friday movie night, the husband is in the mood and asks his wife around their children, "would you like to type some letters tonight?". The wife says they're watching a good movie, maybe tomorrow.

Saturday comes and the husband is now in heat, all day keeps asking to "type". Finally at night as the kids are tucked in, the wife softly asks, "I'm sorry for making you wait, do you wanna type the letter now, honey?", to which the husband replies:

"Forget it, it's been handwritten."

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Why is Yoda the worst copilot?

"Yoda, are we still going the right way?" "Off course we are"

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People that can't support their own arguments piss me off...

I don't know why.

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I like my women how I like my computer.

On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.

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My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident

They will be mist... :'(

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Forget everything you learn...

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.'

'But I never went to college.'

'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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A guy walks into a bar in Mexico, and sees a sign that says "If you can make this donkey laugh we will give you $100."

So the guy goes to the donkey and whispers something in his ear and the donkey starts laughing uncontrollably. Then the guy walks straight to the bartender and collects the $100.

A week later the guy goes back to the bar and now the sign says "If you can make this donkey stop laughing we will give you $100." The bartender told the guy that the donkey hasn't stopped laughing since the last time he was in the bar. So the guy walks back to the donkey and it stops laughing immediately!

The guys goes back to the bartender and collects another $100. The bartender was in complete disbelief and asked the guy "how did you do it?"

The guy replied, "The first time I told the donkey my dick was bigger than his and now this time I showed him."

(Sorry if you've heard this joke before, but an old friend just passed away and this was his favorite joke.)

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