A 7 year old goes to a brothel...

and slaps a $10 dollar bill on the counter and says, "Give me a hooker!"

The madame, looked amused and says, "Get lost kid."

The kid then slaps a $50 on the counter and says, "Give me a hooker!!"

The madame raises an eyebrow, but before she could say anything the kid slaps a $1,000 bill on table and says, "Give me a hooker with herpes!!!"

The madame, says, "What? Why would you want that?"

The kid says, "Because, I would screw her and get herpes, then I would go home and screw the baby sitter and she would get herpes. When my dad comes home, he'll screw the baby sitter and he'll get herpes. Eventually when my dad screws my mom she'll get herpes and on Wednesday when the pool man comes over she'll screw him and that's the MOTHERFUCKER that killed my frog!!!

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An Anteater walks into a bar....

Bartender says "can I get you a drink"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"

Frazzled, the bartender says "What's with the long no's"?
Anteater replies "I was born with it".

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I like my women like I like my cigars

7 years old and coming from Cuba in a burlap sack

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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She didn't wear a seatbelt.

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Satan appeared at the front of the church

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY... for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope." More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for the last 48 years!!..

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At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'

The poor bartender was crushed to death.

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