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Thứ Sáu, 16 tháng 12, 2016

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.

''I've never been better!'' he boasted. ''I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?''

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, ''Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.''

The doctor continued, ''So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?'' the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, ''No, what?''

The doctor continued, ''The bear dropped dead in front of him.''

''That's impossible!'' exclaimed the old man. ''Someone else must of shot the bear.''

''That's kind of what I'm getting at,'' replied the doctor.

Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack....

"How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."

"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

I like my women like I like my wine

12 years old and locked in the basement

I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length.

Must be some kind of milestone.

A Life Guard is walking along a beach

A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Thứ Năm, 15 tháng 12, 2016

93% of dog owners say their dog has made them a better person in at least one way, a study found

This same study found that 99% of cat owners say they feel their cat has told them to fuck off, at least once, this week

What the difference between jews and harry potter

Harry got out of the chamber alive