The first woman on the Moon...

"Houston, we have a problem."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing."

"Please tell us?"

"You know what the problem is."

Read More

To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope!

Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

Read More

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything."

So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore.

"You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here."

And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."

Read More

I went in for a job interview

The interviewer asked, "What do you think your biggest weakness is?"

I responded, "I have a tendency to be vague..."

He said, "Could you elaborate?"

"Yes"

Read More

A drunk man comes home at 3 am to a not so happy wife...

She yells from the window: "I'm not letting you in this time!"

To what he responds: "But, I bring flowers for the most beautiful woman in the world!"

A smile comes to her face and she runs down to open the door.

Wife: Where are my flowers?

Man: Where the hell is the most beautiful woman in the world!?!?!

Read More

I object to female genital mutilation.

It is hard enough find a clitoris with having to scrabble through the skip bin behind a Somali mosque.

Read More

This maths test can predict your favourite film (mine was Star Wars)

• Pick a number between 1 and 9.
• Multiply by 3
• Add 3 to that number
• Multiply by 3 again
• Add the two digits together

Now discover your favourite film!

1. Oliver Twist
2. Saving Private Ryan
3. Gone with the Wind
4. Star Wars
5. Jaws
6. The Godfather
7. Citizen Kane
8. Pulp Fiction
9. The Joy of Anal Sex with Male Sheep and Oiled-Up Grandpas
10. Forrest Gump

Read More