So I ordered really slowly, because she obviously doesn't listen well.
Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 12, 2016
A farmer has 895 sheep.
Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.
So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.
"Why yes," says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, you see, and I don't think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many."
The shopkeeper says, "I've got just the thing for you." and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.
"Are you sure?" asks the farmer, "I have very many sheep and I don't think one dog will be able to round all of them up.".
"I'm sure." says the shopkeeper, "This is a very intelligent dog. He's been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I've ever seen."
"Yes," says the dog, "I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering." The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn't be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.
That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields. "Well," says the farmer, "I'd like you to round up all of these sheep.".
"Okay." replies the dog, "You have nine hundred sheep."
The first blonde GUY joke
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: "Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch and exclaimed, Burritos again!" If I get burritos one more time in my lunch, I'm going to jump off, too."
The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping off, too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch bucket, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage. I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch".
Black Testicles
An older man is in the hospital. A nurse walks in and he asks, "Are my testicles black?" The nurse, taken by surprise replies, "I'm sorry?" So he asks again "Are my testicles black?" Nurse shakes her head but decides to check for him, after all she is a nurse. She lifts his robe, takes his testicles in hand, lifts and inspect them. She lowers his robe, raises back up to him and says " Mr. Johnson, you'll be happy to hear your testicles aren't black." He looks at her, removing his oxygen mask and says, "That's great and all but are my test results back?"
I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early
She told me to use the back door and to be quick.
I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
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