My friend just found out that he is Gay and Dyslexic...

He is still in daniel.

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Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

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I've decided to start carrying a knife.

After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.

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If aliens have killed themselves off, what hope is there for us?

If aliens have killed themselves off, what hope is there for us?
Absent signs of life, astronomers are starting to look for extraterrestrial nuclear wars and pandemics.

December 29, 2016 at 12:29AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2hoc9vg

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My therapist told me to I need to learn to love myself…

That would be settling, though- I can do better than that piece of crap!

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A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket

"Oh fuck, some asshole has got my pen."

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A friend of mine asked me, "what rhymes with orange?"

I said, "no, it doesn't".

Edit: ITT: door hinge.

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