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Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 1, 2017

Worse Day

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says,

"I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me.

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!"

But, enough about me. How are you doing?"

TIL Pigeons die when they have sex

At least the one I fucked did

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

Are you guys OK?

I haven't heard from you all year.

Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers

Will make your car look fucking stupid

BBC's Sherlock got cancelled

Shit, no Sherlock.

Why would the Queen let Netflix use her likeness in "The Crown"?

She probably gets royalties