I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die".

I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.

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I was at an atm and some little kid asked me to help him check his balance

... So I pushed him over

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My girlfriend said to me "sex is better on holiday"...

That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

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Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors?

So they can see the battle!

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What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

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For a change of pace, here's a limerick; "( (12 + 144 + 20 + 3 Sqrt[4]) / 7 ) + 5*11 = 9^2 + 0"

Sorry, did that not make any sense?

How about -

"A dozen, a gross, and a score,

plus three times the square root of four,

divided by seven,

plus five times eleven,

is nine squared and not a bit more."

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I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’

You've probably seen our posters.

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