A general inspecting the troops

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides he needs to go and check them out.

After reviewing the troops on parade he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at parade.

The general gets to the first soldier and barks at him "Why are you here?"

"Hemorrhoid's Sir!"

"And how are you treating it?"

"Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!"

"And what's your goal in life soldier?"

"To kill the enemy Sir!"

The general is pleased with this answer and moves onto the next soldier. "Why are you here?"

"Genital warts Sir!"

"And how are you treating it?"

"Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!"

"And what's your goal in life soldier?"

"To kill the enemy Sir!"

Once again the general is pleased and moves on to the last soldier. "And why are you here?"

"Gingivitis Sir!"

"And how are you treating it?"

"Wire brush and disinfectant Sir!"

"And what's your goal in life soldier?"

"To get the wire brush before the other two Sir!"

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While examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase.

When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead?"

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A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO.

The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?"

The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things."

The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking."

The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight."

The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

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A woman goes into labor with her child.

The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer pain of child birth to the Father. He asks If it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

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So there we were, 2 vs 100. We prepared our attack and started off strong...

Killed 'em both.

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All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7?

because 7 is a registered 6 offender

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