A pastor is finishing up his sermon on sunday morning...

"In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed." So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.

"How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?" Everyone raised their hand. The pastor says "and it's a great chapter, amen??" There are shouts of "amen!" from the congregation. Then the pastor smirks.

"Well, Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now begin my sermon on the terrible sin of lying."

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I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system!

It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me.

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*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?'

Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'

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What's the most popular red wine??

We want our land back!!

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A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue - NSFW, Language

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your fucking mouth shut helps?"

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I added Paul Walker on Xbox,

but he spends all his time on the dashboard.

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The FBI Never Asked For Access To Hacked Computer Servers

The FBI Never Asked For Access To Hacked Computer Servers
The FBI did not examine the servers of the Democratic National Committee before issuing a report attributing the sweeping cyberintrusion to Russia-backed hackers, instead basing their report on forensics by a third-party company.

January 5, 2017 at 10:28AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2iRJ2Tc

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