... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets
Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 1, 2017
A Texan walks into an Irish pub.
and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".!
Thứ Bảy, 14 tháng 1, 2017
Trump visits the Queen.
While visiting England after his election victory, Donald Trump is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Trump asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Trump watches as the Queen phones David Cameron and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
David Cameron responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Trump?"
Trump nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Trump, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put his entourage to the test. Trump summons to-be Vice-President Mike Pence to the White House and says, "Tell me Mike, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Trump poses the question: "Well, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Pence hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Trump agrees, and Pence leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Pence calls Rex Tillerson at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Tillerson answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Pence rushes back to the White House, finds Donald Trump, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Rex Tillerson!"
And Trump replies in disgust, "Of course not, you dumb*ss! It's David Cameron"
An American Indian chief took three wives...
To the first, he gave a buffalo hide. To the second, he gave a deer hide. But for the third, his favorite, he sent a brave far away, across land and water, to retrieve the rare and highly coveted hide of the hippopotamus.
Within a year, the first two squaws had each borne the Indian chief a son. In their honor, they were moved into a spacious, comfortable tepee. The third squaw, though childless, was also moved into another spacious tepee. The first two squaws complained bitterly of this inequity. They, who had borne sons for the chief, had to share a tent, while the third and childless squaw got one to herself. So the chief explained:
"The sons of the squaws of the two hides are equal to the squaw of the hippopotamus."
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