Once upon a time ...

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son out from that school. she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors have advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform..

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful ...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling to her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk, in turn, he was staring at her face which started turning blue, she was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw our friend Basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......

If you were thinking that Basheer became a doctor, its because you have been reading too many motivational forward messages

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What do you call a girl who catches fish?

Anette.

^{Justthoughtofthisi'msorryit'sbad..}

Edit: Wow, front page of /r/jokes I finally did it!

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Two gay men are on a plane.....

Their names where Justin and Ryan

"Dude, what if we had sex?" asks Justin.

"You crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it..."

"Man, nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!"

Justin stands up and asks loudly:

"Could I have a pencil, please?"

Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc.

"They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Ryan.

So Justin and Ryan have wild sex on the plane.

Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.

"Sir, you should've asked for a bag!"

"I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass..."

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A guy goes to Las Vegas to gamble

And he loses all his money. He doesn't even have enough for a cab, but he flagged one down anyway. He explained to the driver that he would pay him back next time and gave him his phone number, but the driver told him, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

He walked all the way to the airport and got home. Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG.

He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings. There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver from last time that kicked him out. He stood for a moment thinking how can he get his revenge on that driver.

So, he gets in the first cab.

"How much is it to the airport?" He asks.

The driver says, "$15"

"Great, how much is it for a blowjob on the way there?"

The cab driver says, "Get the fuck out of my cab."

So he goes to the next one and asks the same thing. "How much to airport?"

"$15"

"Great, how much for a blowjob on the way there?"

And that cab driver also tells him to get the fuck out of his cab.

He does this all the way down the line of drivers, each one kicking him out. He finally gets to the last driver, the one from his last trip.

He asks, "hey how much to the airport?"

Driver responds, "$15"

The guy hands him $15 and says "great let's go"

And so the driver leaves, slowly passing all the other drivers who are staring out their window while the guy in the back smiles back with a thumbs up.

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Wife: "Can you pick up milk?"

Me: lifts gallon

"Yeah, it's easy."

Wife: "I mean from the store."

Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"

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An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

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A monkey was in a tree smoking weed...

A monkey was in a tree smoking weed...

A lizard, walking by, looked up and saw him. "Yo, Monkey." Said the lizard. "What are you doing up there?"

The monkey looked down and answered him. "I'm smoking weed."

"Can I have some?" Asked the Lizard.

"Yeah, dude. Come on up here."

So the lizard climbed the tree and smoked weed with the monkey. They smoked and smoked until the lizard's mouth got dry and he became very thirsty. "Yo, Monkey." Said the lizard. "This weed is fire, but my mouth is so dry. Do you have any water?"

"Not on me." Said the monkey. "But there's a stream right over that hill and you can drink all the water you want there."

"Cool." Said the lizard, and he headed over to the stream. While he was drinking an alligator walked by."

"Yo, lizard." Said the alligator. You stoned as fuck."

"Haha, yeah," giggled the lizard.

"You got any more weed?" Asked the alligator.

"Not on me." Said the lizard, "but there's a monkey in the tree over there and he might have more."

The alligator walks over to the tree and yells up to the monkey. "Yo, monkey!" He yells. "Have you got any more of that weed?"

The monkey stared down at the alligator rubbing his eyes in disbelief. "Holy shit, lizard." He says. "How much water did you drink?!!"

ba dum tisshh.

This is a joke a drug councilor I had once told the class as an example of stupid stoner logic. I was stoned when he told us and I laughed my ass off.

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