A blonde joke...

A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He then takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..... he said with a deep sigh" ............

"Let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box

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A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at a rapid pace. Jamaal is quickly transporting the coal and the two have quite the efficient operation going.

Slowly Frank's pick begins to go dull and his shovel handle is breaking off. Jamaal's transportation cart has a rickety wheel and they need replacements from their supply man, Wong. However, Wong is nowhere to be found. In fact, no one has seen him all day long. Frustrated, Frank and Jamaal go to find the manager and explain the situation. The manager is equally upset.

The three of them go about the mine looking to find Wong. They search high and low, but Wong can't be found anywhere. Extremely frustrated and about to give up, they decide to take a look down a dark, abandoned shaft. They peak their heads in and suddenly Wong jumps out of nowhere and yells, "SUPPRIES!!!"

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Three guys stranded on an island

I didn't make this up, and it may very well be a repost, but I heard it as a kid and haven't really ever heard it told again since. Goes something like this:

Three guys crash land on an island. Immediately they are captured by the indigenous tribal people. It becomes clear that these people are cannibals. The men beg for their lives, as anyone would. Through a bunch of hand-waving, drawing pictures in the sand, etc the men learn of a ritual the tribal people let prisoners perform in a chance to save their lives.

First, the men are sent out into the jungle to collect 10 pieces of any fruit they find. So off they go.

The first guy comes back with 10 oranges. The tribe chief explains that now he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his ass without making any noise. The guy gets to like one and a half before he cries out in pain. He's immediately killed and eaten.

The second guy comes back with grapes. The chief explains the next challenge to the guy. He gets to 9 grapes and he laughs. The tribe kills and eats him right there on the spot.

The first two guys meet up at the pearly gates. The first guys asks the second: "what happened? you were almost home free!"

The second guy replies: "yeah, I know... but right as I was almost done I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples."

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A black man and a white man walk into a bakery

The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The white man swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the white man swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The white man replies, "Look in the black mans back pocket....."

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Girlfriend: "Babe, come over, I'm horny."

Me: "I can't, I'm having a threesome with an older couple."

Girlfriend: "But my parents aren't home."

Me: "I know."

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Jewish guy runs home from work, panting and trying to catch his breath.

He plops down at the kitchen table, where his wife was cooking dinner.

Wife asks, "What happened Motek? Why are you so exhausted?"

Guy says with a huge smile, "Chooki, instead of taking the bus home from work today, I ran all the way behind it and saved $2.50!"

He was extremely proud of himself and thought his wife would be happy with him for saving money.

Instead his wife screams, " Ben-zona! Why didn't you run behind a taxi, and save $15?!"

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us, too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue'. "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

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